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Anger Management Counseling

According to the American Psychological Association, Anger is an emotion characterized by antagonism toward someone or something you feel has deliberately done you wrong.

Anger can be a good thing. It can give you a way to express negative feelings, for example, or motivate you to find solutions to problems. But excessive anger can cause problems. Increased blood pressure and other physical changes associated with anger make it difficult to think straight and harm your physical and mental health. (Adapted from the Encyclopedia of Psychology)

The Mayo Clinic Staff defines Anger management as a process of learning to recognize signs that you’re becoming angry, and taking action to calm down and deal with the situation in a positive way. Anger management doesn’t try to keep you from feeling anger or encourage you to hold it in. Anger is a normal, healthy emotion when you know how to express it appropriately. Anger management is about learning how to do this.

Do I Need Help?  The following may indicate that you need anger management help:

• You have trouble with the authorities (the law).
• You frequently feel that you have to hold in your anger.
• You have numerous arguments with people around you, especially your partner, parents, children or colleagues.
• You find yourself involved in fights.
• You hit your partner or children.
• You threaten violence to people or property.
• You have outbursts where you break things.
• You lose your temper when driving and become reckless.

Our licensed providers can help you would like to cope with your anger by addressing your defeating thoughts and actions.

Anxiety Counseling / Therapy

Occasional periods of increased anxiety are a normal part of life, however, ongoing stress that disrupts the quality of life and impacts an individuals’ ability to function needs to be addressed. Excessive anxiety and worry may have physical or genetic roots, be in reaction to an acute situation or trauma, or may be part of a lifelong problem.

Anxiety disorders include the following:

OCD –People with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) have persistent, upsetting thoughts (obsessions) and use rituals (compulsions) to control the anxiety these thoughts produce. Most of the time, the rituals end up controlling them.

PTSD-– Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is characterized by the re-experiencing of a previous trauma and can create extreme anxiety.

Social Phobia-– Social phobia, also called social anxiety disorder, is diagnosed when people become overwhelmingly anxious and excessively self-conscious in everyday social situations. People with social phobia have an intense, persistent, and chronic fear of being watched and judged by others and of doing things that will embarrass them. They can worry for days or weeks before a dreaded situation. This fear may become so severe it interferes with work, school, and other ordinary activities, and can make it hard to make and keep friends

Panic disorder-– Panic attacks are physically intense experiences of terror, and often include difficulty in breathing and a sense of loss of control.

Specific phobias-– A specific phobia is an intense, irrational fear of something that poses little or no actual danger. Some of the more common specific phobias are centered around closed-in places, heights, escalators, tunnels, highway driving, water, flying, dogs, and injuries involving blood. Such phobias aren’t just extreme fear; they are irrational fear of a particular thing. You may be able to ski the world’s tallest mountains with ease but be unable to go above the 5th floor of an office building. While adults with phobias realize that these fears are irrational, they often find facing, or even thinking about facing, the feared object or situation brings on a panic attack or severe anxiety.

Generalized Anxiety disorder-– People with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) go through the day filled with exaggerated worry and tension, even though there is little or nothing to provoke it.  They anticipate disaster and are overly concerned about health issues, money, family problems, or difficulties at work.  Sometimes just the thought of getting through the day produces anxiety.  (For additional information, see http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/anxiety-disorders/index.shtml.)

At DeFranciso & Associates  we listen carefully and help our clients understand the issues which led to their overwhelming anxiety. We utilize cognitive behavioral therapy, relaxation training, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and a variety of other tools to help our clients learn how to reduce and manage anxiety.

Depression Counseling / Therapy – Are you beyond blue?

Depression Counseling / Therapy Depression may be described as feeling sad, blue, unhappy, miserable, or down in the dumps. Most of us feel this way at one time or another for short periods. True clinical depression is a mood disorder in which feelings of sadness, loss, anger, or frustration interfere with everyday life for an extended period of time.

Major depression is when a person has five or more symptoms of depression for at least 2 weeks.  These symptoms include feeling sad, hopeless, worthless, or pessimistic.  In addition, people with major depression often have behavior changes, such as new eating and sleeping patterns.

Depression is generally ranked in terms of severity — mild, moderate, or severe. The degree of your depression, which your doctor can determine, influences how you are treated.  Symptoms of depression include:

• Trouble sleeping or excessive sleeping
• A dramatic change in appetite, often with weight gain or loss
• Fatigue and lack of energy
• Feelings of worthlessness, self-hate, and inappropriate guilt
• Extreme difficulty concentrating
• Agitation, restlessness, and irritability
• Inactivity and withdrawal from usual activities
• Feelings of hopelessness and helplessness
• Recurring thoughts of death or suicide

Low self-esteem is common with depression. So are sudden bursts of anger and lack of pleasure from activities which normally make you happy, including sex.

Depressed children may not have the classic symptoms of adult depression. Watch especially for changes in school performance, sleep, and behavior. If you wonder whether your child might be depressed, it’s worth bringing to a doctor’s attention.

The main types of depression include:

Major depression — five or more symptoms listed above must be present for at least 2 weeks, but major depression tends to continue for at least 6 months. (Depression is classified as minor depression if you have fewer than five depression symptoms for at least 2 weeks. In other words, minor depression is similar to major depression except it only has 2 – 4 symptoms.)

Atypical depression — occurs in about a third of patients with depression. Symptoms include overeating and oversleeping. These patients tend to have a feeling of being weighed down and react strongly to rejection.

Dysthymia — a generally milder form of depression that lasts as long as 2 years.

Other common forms of depression include:

Postpartum depression — many women feel somewhat down after having a baby, but true postpartum depression is rare.

Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) — depressive symptoms occur 1 week prior to menstruation and disappear after you menstruate.

Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) — occurs during the fall-winter season and disappears during the spring-summer season.  SAD is likely to be due to lack of sunlight.

Mania –Depression may also occur with mania (known as manic depression or bipolar disorder). In this condition, moods cycle between mania and depression. Depression is more common in women than men and is especially common during the teen years. Men seem to seek help for feelings of depression less often than women. Therefore, women may only have more documented cases of depression.

Depression often runs in families. This may due to your genes (inherited), learned behavior, or both. Even if your genes make you more likely to develop depression, a stressful or unhappy life event usually triggers the onset of a depressive episode.

Depression may be brought on by:

• Alcohol or drug abuse
• Childhood events like abuse or neglect
• Chronic stress
• Death of a friend or relative
• Disappointment at home, work, or school (in teens, this may be breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend, failing a class, or parents divorcing)
• Drugs such as sedatives and high blood pressure medications
• Medical conditions such as hypothyroidism (underactive thyroid), cancer, or hepatitis
• Nutritional deficiencies (such as a lack of folate and omega-3 fatty acids)
• Overly negative thoughts about one’s self and life, self-blame, and ineffective social problem solving skills
• Prolonged pain or having a major illness
• Sleeping problems
• Social isolation (common in the elderly)

Our licensed providers can help you learn to address self-defeating thoughts and actions and set goals to lift depressive symptoms.

Couples, Relationship & Marriage Counseling / Therapy

Relationship and Couples Counseling / Therapy —  Are you struggling to communicate with a loved one?  Is there a growing emotional distance, or has there been a breakdown of trust?  In life, we are often presented with challenging situations or scenarios and it can be beneficial to talk with an independent and non-judgmental third party.  A licensed therapist will listen to the problems and help you overcome them and heal any fractured bonds.

The first step is to be honest about the underlying and root causes of the problem and identify where these internal and external stressors come from.  Once healthy lines of communication are opened couples can begin to address these stresses and better strengthen their relationship. Working together with you and your partner, we will set measurable goals.  As progress is made both clinically and at home, we will help you refine your goals and rediscover the links that first brought you together.

Relationships working with a therapist can help you communicate ideas in a comfortable and pressure free environment by opening channels of communication and helping partners look at problems from other perspectives. At DeFranciso & Associates, we have experience working with a diverse background of couples with various ethnic, spiritual, sexual, and racial backgrounds. Often, we strongly suggest couples also receive individual counseling in addition to marriage/couples counseling.

Stress Management Counseling / Therapy

Stress can have wide ranging effects.  There are numerous emotional and physical disorders linked to stress including depression and anxiety.  A stress-related illness called post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) develops after an event like war, physical or sexual assault, a near-death experience, or a natural disaster.

If you have chronic stress, the best way to deal with it is to take care of the underlying problem.  Counseling can help you find ways to relax and calm down.  Medicines may also help.  The following is a list of some 50 common signs and symptoms of stress.

• Frequent headaches, jaw clenching or pain
• Gritting, grinding teeth
• Stuttering or stammering
• Tremors, trembling of lips, hands
• Neck ache, back pain, muscle spasms
• Light headedness, faintness, dizziness
• Ringing, buzzing or “popping sounds”
• Frequent blushing, sweating
• Cold or sweaty hands, feet
• Dry mouth, problems swallowing
• Frequent colds, infections, herpes sores
• Rashes, itching, hives, “goose bumps”
• Unexplained or frequent “allergy” attacks
• Heartburn, stomach pain, nausea
• Excess belching, flatulence
• Sudden attacks of panic
• Chest pain, palpitations
• Excess anxiety, worry, guilt, nervousness
• Increased anger, frustration, hostility
• Depression, frequent or wild mood swings
• Difficulty breathing, sighing
• Constipation, diarrhea
• Frequent urination
• Poor sexual desire or performance
• Increased or decreased appetite
• Insomnia, nightmares, disturbing dreams
• Difficulty concentrating, racing thoughts
• Trouble learning new information
• Forgetfulness, disorganization, confusion
• Difficulty in making decisions.
• Feeling overloaded or overwhelmed.
• Frequent crying spells or suicidal thoughts
• Feelings of loneliness or worthlessness
• Little interest in appearance, punctuality
• Nervous habits, fidgeting, feet tapping
• Increased frustration, irritability, edginess
• Overreaction to petty annoyances
• Increased number of minor accidents
• Obsessive or compulsive behavior – OCD
• Reduced work efficiency or productivity stress
• Lies or excuses to cover up poor work
• Rapid or mumbled speech
• Excessive defensiveness or suspiciousness
• Problems in communication, sharing
• Social withdrawal and isolation
• Constant tiredness, weakness, fatigue
• Frequent use of over-the-counter drugs
• Weight gain or loss without diet
• Increased smoking, alcohol or drug use
• Excessive gambling or impulse buying

Domestic violence and emotional abuse

Domestic violence and emotional abuse are behaviors used by one person in a relationship to control the other.  Partners may be married or not married; heterosexual, gay, or lesbian; living together, separated or dating.

Examples of abuse include:

• name-calling or putdowns
• keeping a partner from contacting their family or friends
• withholding money
• stopping a partner from getting or keeping a job
• actual or threatened physical harm
• sexual assault
• stalking
• intimidation or bullying

Violence can be criminal and includes physical assault (hitting, pushing, shoving, etc.), sexual abuse (unwanted or forced sexual activity), and stalking.  Although emotional, psychological and financial abuses are not criminal behaviors, they are forms of abuse and can lead to criminal violence.

ANYONE CAN BE A VICTIM!   Victims can be of any age, sex, race, culture, religion, education, employment or marital status. Although both men and women can be abused, most victims are women. Children in homes where there is domestic violence are more likely to be abused and/or neglected. Most children in these homes know about the violence. Even if a child is not physically harmed, they may have emotional and behavior problems

If you are being abused, REMEMBER

• You are not alone
• It is not your fault
• Help is available

Our licensed providers can help you sort through the direction of your relationship by setting goals of mutual respect.

Grief, Loss, and Bereavement Counseling / Therapy

Grief, Loss, and Bereavement Counseling is a reaction to loss that can encompass a range of feelings, thoughts, and behaviors, and is experienced differently by each person according to his or her culture, background, gender, beliefs, personality, and relationship to the deceased or loss.  Feelings common to grief are sadness and yearning.  Guilt, regret, anger, and a sense of meaninglessness can also be present. Some may also a feel a sense of relief and liberation.  Emotions can be surprising in their strength or mildness, contrary to the expectations of the griever; they can also be confusing, such as missing a painful relationship.

You may associate grief with the death of a loved one—which is often the cause of the most intense type of grief — but any loss can cause grief, including:

• Divorce or relationship breakup
• Loss of health
• Losing a job
• Loss of financial stability
• A miscarriage
• Retirement
• Death of a pet
• Loss of a cherished dream
• A loved one’s serious illness
• Loss of a friendship
• Loss of safety after a trauma
• Selling the family home

Everyone grieves in their own way and in their own time.  Some people are more emotional and dive into their feelings while others are stoic and may seek distraction from dwelling on an unchangeable fact of living.  Neither is better than the other, but if at any point one is concerned about whether one’s grief-related feelings, thoughts, and behaviors are “normal” and “healthy,” a consultation with a qualified mental health professional may be advised.

Our licensed providers can offer a supportive place to work through the stages of your grief.

Parenting

Are you struggling with being the best parent you can be?

Do you want to do what’s best for your children but find it difficult to navigate through some of the challenges that each stage of parenting brings?

Parenting is a full-time job that does not come with a set of instructions.

Help your children become the successful, happy, respectful people you want them to become.

Counseling can help you answer many of the difficult questions you are faced with as a parent. We understand that there is no single right way to raise children, and we help parents find solutions that they can feel confident with.  At DeFranciso & Associates we will help you learn effective techniques to help your children.

These include:

• Establishing positive communication practices with your child
• Practicing appropriate limit setting and structure
• Implementing effective discipline techniques
• Creating positive family interactions and establishing respect for all family members
• Learning problem solving techniques to help with school and social issues
• Supporting parents through difficult developmental changes or special needs challenges
• Providing encouragement and support to parents in their struggle to find balance and fulfillment

Though raising children will never be an easy job, when armed with the right tools you can make the difference you want in your children’s lives and help them be happy and successful

Our licensed providers can help you develop a more effective parenting style

Trauma Counseling / Therapy

Trauma is the result of experiencing excessive stress that overwhelms your ability to cope, and is an extremely subjective experience. What is traumatic for one person may not affect another.  Physical trauma can be the cause of emotional trauma, however experiential situations can just as easily cause emotional trauma.  The resulting psychological trauma, if unresolved, can last for many years, and possibly become even more devastating than the original traumatic event.  There are emotional, cognitive, and physical responses as a result of a traumatic event, which should be dealt with to avoid long term repercussions.

Trauma can affect anyone at any age, and the effects can vary from mild to severe, creating extreme psychological issues.  The symptoms associated with trauma are serious, but in some cases the effects of trauma can manifest months and even years after the event.  Unfortunately, this means it can be difficult to recognize the symptoms. Whether the events occurred in early childhood, five or ten years ago, or yesterday, the impact of these troubling situations is not easy to resolve on our own.

Many times, we learn how to cope and manage the symptoms of a trauma. Sometimes this is done by consciously calming ourselves when we experience a panic attack caused by a reminder of an event. Others seek comfort in friends and family when experiencing depression or sadness over the effects of the trauma.  While these are important and helpful methods to manage the symptoms, remember these are only managing the symptoms and not dealing with the root cause of the trauma.  A trauma counselor focuses on resolution of the originating feelings and emotions and can supply the required coping skills that will lead to a healthier future.

Our licensed providers can help you put events back into your life’s perspective